I’m still around. Actually, I swing by and check to see if anything is new here every few days or so. I just read Chandra’s blog and had to write.

For so long this blogging community was a huge part of  my world. I met friends here – people that made me laugh, cry, and feel connected to. I don’t know what happened, but things seemed to drop off. It was frustrating.

Chandra mentioned only a couple people commented on her getting married, but said she didn’t blog for comments. She was being nice.

I blogged for blogging sake, but I also blogged for comments. When I was active here, i tried to take the time to leave something on every blog I read. I wanted people to know someone read their words. I wanted to know someone read mine. I felt that was an important part of the community aspect of blogging.

I didn’t visit every blogger’s space. Some I wandered to and they just didn’t compel me to continue reading. That’s life. It’s like life – not everyone you meet is going to be someone you choose to be friends with. I didn’t expect everyone to love my blog. (Hmph! how could they not though? – I kid, I kid)

Anyway, I craved that feedback. I gave that feedback hoping others would follow suit. It slowly dropped off. People stopped writing their own entries on a regular basis. Eventually, being active seemed pointless.

I’m not being a sniveling whiny pants or anything like that – I’m just tossing out my own observations. I guess part of the reason I keep checking back is to see if people start posting, commenting, and becoming active members again. If they do, I’ll be back in a heartbeat.

I wonder if any of the other old regulars are out there and feeling the same way?

Peace
Out

Yup, I have been an absentee blogger.

Let me just say I HATED 2010 and I am utterly and completely glad that icky old year has faded into memory. If this new year isn’t any better, I may have to stick a fork in my eye.

2010 brought the deaths of my oldest online friend, Led. That was followed by a couple of people I went to high school with, the murder of my student along with her little girl and her unborn baby. Shortly after that my youngest daughter’s best friend’s dad dropped over dead. The week after that a student who graduated last year died after falling off a cliff. Funerals suck – ’nuff said.

2010 brought my career and my beloved school into jeopardy. I lost my job, I got my job back, but my school is still in dire financial straits and I don’t know how long we can hang on financially. I guess time will tell. In the midst of the chaos that surrounded all of us  (we were bombarded by television and newspaper reporters as the community rallied to keep the school alive) we suffered several casualties as co-workers retired, were laid off, or simply bailed to other districts.

2010 brought criminal activity to my world like I have never seen. Certainly, I have known people who have been arrested in the past, but this was different.

First came the shooting outside a bar a few miles from my home. One of the kids involved was one of my previous students – he was the actual shooter. I guess it was some kind of bar fight that escalated outside. He’s facing some serious time in prison.

A guy I went to grad school with – he was a teacher in a district in this area – was arrested for possession of kiddie porn. I was stunned. I’ve known him for years and would never have suspected a thing!

Some ex-students were arrested for breaking and entering as well as vandalism. It made me incredibly sad to see the bad choices they’ve made since leaving school.

The latest made me just plop onto the couch and cry. One of my favorite students, a boy that I utterly believed in, a boy that I’d have trusted with my own children was arrested. Like the others, he has graduated, but I still know him and have kept in touch with him. His crime? This is the part that has me torn up – he’s been charged with first and second degree sexual assault of a little girl from the time she was eight until she was eleven. In his initial court appearance he admitted he did it and that he knew it was wrong. I don’t know when this happened. I don’t know if he was a kid himself when it happened. I am just stunned.

Summer was spent in the nightmare of limbo – not knowing what would happen with my job. By the time we all came back to school, we were exhausted and stressed rather than rested and ready to take on the kiddies here at school.

There have been some good things as well. My oldest daughter got married in 2010. I got to be the proud parent as I watched my eighth grade daughter starting on the junior varsity team and my tenth grade son playing on the varsity football team. We sold one of our houses. We got the two Newf puppies that are each over a hundred pounds. Trust me, a couple hundred pounds of playful puppy in one’s house can be a bit insane!

I don’t know what 2011 will bring. I just hope it’s better than 2010 – I don’t think I can take another year like that one! I hope 2011 is good to all of you as well!

Peace

Perhaps I am being silly here, but am both embarrassed and hurt by something that happened today.

A number of years ago a close friend went with me on a school trip to the UK. She lives over a thousand miles away so it was a treat for us to be able to travel together. On that particular trip we brought our daughters as well as my students.

Things went well at first, but my students came to me and were complaining about the bickering going on among some of the other kids. None of the teen drama made any sense to me, so I pulled all the kids that were arguing together and made them sit down and talk out whatever the heck was going on.

My friend’s daughter was behind the mess. She was carrying tales back and forth between groups of kids doing the teen girl “she said this about you” or “he said that about you” thing. Possibly it was a divide and conquer thing to get into one of the groups – I don’t know.

I told my friend what was going on and she was angry with her daughter for being so dumb and life went on. As the trip progressed things became more strained though. My friend was spending more and more time with her daughter because the rest of the kids didn’t really want anything to do with her anymore. Add to that mess the fact that this friend of mine has had various mental health issues in the past.

I’d been there for her through a number of them. Some of those things included me talking her out of suicide and being there to support her through issues that drove her depression into a serious mess. I think seeing her daughter unhappy made her angry and she became somewhat of a bitch for the remainder of the trip.

When we got back to the States, I was uncertain how to handle things. I felt uncomfortable calling her because she stomped off at the airport without even saying goodbye. I just didn’t know what to say so I hoped she’d contact me.

Time went on and I missed her. I missed the wonderful things about her. I missed the bond we had and how we always seemed to have each other’s backs. Even so, I was still edgy and didn’t want to make that first move.

There were so many times I stared at my phone over the years. There were so many times I started to dial and hung up. There were a couple of times that I blocked my number and called only to get a voice message. Rather than leaving a message, I hung up. I just didn’t know what to say.

Last November I called her and left a message. My hope was that years put the rough feelings of our last time together behind us and we could possibly regain some sort of a friendship.

She called me back the next day and we talked for hours. We laughed and joked about all the things that have happened in our lives over the years. She sent me an email and said she would rather keep in contact that way because her work schedule made it crazy to be able to catch each other to talk.

We began to write back and forth about once a week. We shared feelings, laughs, and stories about what was going on with us. She sent me pics of her family – yada yada yada. In the meantime we talked on the phone every once in a while.

I hadn’t heard from her for about a month so I called her last week. Today she responded with an email that shocked me.

She said she doesn’t know why I bothered to contact her after all these years and that she knows it certainly couldn’t be because I missed her. She said she has no desire to renew any kind of friendship with me and told me to have a good life.

I was stunned.

Why would she suddenly decide that? It makes me sad.

Peace

This is it mon last “official” week of freedom from other people’s teenagers. Next week I head back to work for workshops, the week after that the wild hordes of kids will be upon me.

I’ll have my usual tenth and eleventh grade kids – for those of you in other parts of the world, this means they are roughly 15-17. They’ve also given me ninth grade. Argh! What a rough age.

We also have a new principal and a new superintendent. Three of our school board members are up for reelection in November. AND *drumroll* so is our referendum. It comes down to this – if it fails, my school and job go bye bye.  If it passes, life will be good.

What a weird and whacky feeling. This may be it for a school district.

Cross your fingers for my school and for moi! I get those hyper little ninth graders this year!!!

Peace

Suffice it to say, that was one of the most horrific things I have ever seen/experienced.

They had an open coffin.

It caught me off guard.

There they were – the mother, my old student, with her beautiful baby girl curled up beside her. Beneath the blanket that rested across the mommy was her tiny baby who was only two days from being born.

I cried.

I think everyone cried.

I cannot see how anyone wouldn’t have been moved to tears.

I cannot seem to get that image out of my mind.  It’s haunting me.

Peace

I actually tried to post this a couple of days ago, but my comp locked up and I didn’t have time to fuss with it.

***

There are those news stories that just get you – they tear at your heart and make you wonder why the hell things like that happen in our world. I’m talking about the stories that never happen to anyone we actually know – it’s those horrible things that happen to other people.

This week one of them happened to someone I know.

She was one of my students. She traveled with me. She hung out in my room. She made me smile. She was a good person. She was one of those quieter students who didn’t need or seek to be the center of attention. She wasn’t the most popular girl in school, but she was kind and people liked her.

She graduated several years and ago and went on with her life.

She graduated from college. She worked with kids.

She was married and she had a fifteen month old baby. Her second baby was scheduled to be delived on Wednesday via c-section. Both were little girls.

Rather than celebrating the life of a new baby, her family and friends are left with sadness and grief.

Her scum sucking excuse for a cheating bastard of a husband brought an end to all of their lives.

He shot them.

He killed his fifteen month old baby girl. He killed his pregnant wife a couple of days before their second little girl was to be born. The asshole even shot their three dogs before killing himself.

She’d left him and was back in the house getting some of her things.

She knew he was cheating on her.

She knew he was an ass.

She left.

Sadly, she must not have had a clue as to how dangerous he truly was.

News reports will go on and on about what a kind and loving man he was. They will blame his military service in Iraq for his behavior. I don’t care. I really don’t.

Maybe it is nasty and unforgiving of me to say “I don’t give a shit” about his mental health issues, I don’t care.

I understand the fact that war plays hell with a person’s mind. I get that.

What I will never get past is the fact that this animal was able to look into the eyes of an innocent fifteen month child – his own daughter – as he shot her. There is no excuse. He murdered his family.

Now there are unanswered questions running through the minds of so many people.

There are her friends who are mourning and wishing they could have done something to save her.

There is her family praying to find a way to turn back the clock and to stop her from going back to that house.

There is grief.

There is sadness.

There is no wee baby to coo over.

Instead, many people, including me, will be attending a wake tomorrow and a funeral the following day.

It is just so sad – so horrifying.

It’s one of those things you never think will personally touch your life. We see stories like this in the papers and on the news – I hate that it is so close. I hate that things like this happen to anyone.

Peace

*** Last night was the visitation; today is the funeral. I think I can honestly say that visitation was one of the saddest things I have ever seen.

I’m hangin’ here – hanging my head in shame. Here I was utterly and completely muttering about my hubster’s silly spending habits and I most certainly had to find a way to choke down every one of those wayward mutters.

Why, you ask?

Last night was silly time with my gang of grad school girlies. When we get together it’s our time to recap what’s been happening in our lives since the last time we sharing the same space.

I think I’ve babbled about them before – this time it was our Diamond Girl that had one of the best stories to share.

It seems her hubby had the brilliant idea to buy his mom a brand new Camaro. She vetoed this plan for a couple of reasons: 1. his mom and dad have plenty of cash and could have paid cash for it if they wanted to buy one 2. Diamond Girl thought spending that kind of money on “mom” was a bit frivolous.

Apparently, hubster disagreed. He went off on his own and bought the car! Now they have $500/month car payments on a car that his mom loves, but seldom drives.

Oi vey!

Who does this?

Seriously, a few weeks ago I was rolling my eyes when my hubster was paying $8/pound for black jelly beans! He insisted on buying a whole lotta pounds of the gooey things as a gag gift and I thought that was dumb.

Put in perspective, I’d happily buy even more jelly beans! Yup, those little black suckers were a much better buy.

So, I am chagrined. I shall not complain again! (at least not today)

Peace

Yesterday I drove Girlcub to the theater so she could meet a friend for some teeniebopper movie. When we drove up,  I noticed three squirmy little boys and one chubby little boy all hanging outside the theater.

As soon as I parked, the chubby one walked over to the car with a “wanted poster”. The poster had a pic of Waldo and was done up like a police wanted thing.

For unknown reason he thought he was amusing as he went up to movie people and asked them “Have you seen this man? The police are looking for him.”

Sadly, he was too much of a nerd to realize how geeky he was actually being!

When he finally walked away, mon Girlcub grinned at me and said “Uh, mom, he’s one of your new students this year!”

Oh joy!

I knew having one class of younger kids would be different, but I didn’t expect this one. Ha! I’m going to call him Waldo!

Peace

So there is this guy that lives in my town and I am feeling consumed with guilt because I don’t think I’m feeling the “proper” amount of sympathy for him right now.

I don’t like him.

Our paths have crossed socially and professionally for years.

I never liked him.

He’s always come across as arrogant and superior.

He taught my oldest daughter in school. She didn’t like him

Our younger kids went to daycare together.

If my two year old took a toy from his two year old, he mentioned it in class to my daughter and embarrassed her.

I always had this feeling he was looking down my nose at me and that he thought I was some kind of superfluous bit of fluff.

He never said anything – it was just how he made me feel.

My youngest son goes to school with his son. His son is rather pompous (or so say most of the teachers he has had along the way). The kid is very bright, but arrogant.

We’ve served on committees together, this man and me, and he puts himself out there as an expert on everything we discuss.

It makes me crazy.

When we moved into this house we had extra fencing. I mentioned to someone that the guy could have the fencing because his son was going to raise goats. The man called and asked if he could come get it immediately. I was getting ready to go somewhere and told him the next day would work out better. He argued. I said no, tomorrow is best because I was busy. He showed up five minutes later. Rude!

Three years ago his wife was diagnosed with cancer. I didn’t know her that well, but she seemed nice enough. I felt badly for her, for their two kids, and even for the man. It was an aggressive form of cancer; we all knew she wouldn’t survive.

Late last month she died. It truly is a tragedy for that family. Nobody deserves that to happen to them – not her, the kids, her friends, or the man.

On Sunday I saw the man at our local town thingy. He came over to hang out with my friends and me. I told him again how sorry I was that his wife died. I said all the things one should say in that situation.

I was involved with something else and didn’t really listen carefully to the conversation he was intently having with one of my friends.

Later I find out their conversation was him grumbling about something. He was being his negative and superior self about an issue that was very important to my friend that he was discussing it with.

She chalked it up to the fact that he must be having a difficult time right now.

Not me.

I just thought “he’s like that all the time”.

Hell, I am sitting here actually feeling guilty for not feeling guilty because I can’t jump on the “cut him some slack, his wife died” bandwagon.

He was a poop before.

I think he’s a poop now.

Now he’s a tragic figure to people and I can’t say I think he’s a big stinker or I’ll look like an unfeeling twit.

Argh!

Oh well. I can say it here.

He’s a poop!

Peace

It’s tentative, but it looks like I may know what I’ll be teaching next year. With all the ups and downs with my district, nobody really knew what would be going on in the fall. I will still have my 10th and 11th grade kids, but they are adding 9th grade to the mix.

Of all the grades I’m licensed to teach, this is my least favorite age. Those kids are too old to do silly things like the younger kids do and too young to do some of the things the older kids do. All that middle ground makes them a hormonal mess that can drive a sane teacher insane. I don’t know what it will do to someone like me – already a bit off the wall!

Next, this particular group of ninth graders are going to be a challenge. They’ve been that way since elementary school. Fortunately, I connected with some of them when they were in 7th grade – those kids have been following me around, texting me, spending lunch hours in my room, etc. ever since. I’m hoping that will help me this year.

Finally, the subject matter. *insert yawn* I’m licensed to teach seven different areas – two of them are my least favorites and this is one of the two. It’s government. Ugh ugh ugh! I’m going to be scrambling for the rest of the summer. I’ve never taught this subject and I know it can be horribly dull if not taught the right way. I have to find that way!

I do love changes and challenges, so this is going to be unique. In a quirky weird way I’m looking forward to it. Hmmmmm we shall see!

Peace